In the past, birthdays have been something I dreaded. The closer I got to my birthday, the more I felt this ominous cloud around me. I found myself year after year being extremely unhappy because I was never satisfied with where I was in life, and my birthday was a reminder that I had let another year pass me by. I always thought about what I didn’t have rather than what I did have. This year I’ve recognized the importance of reflecting on how much I’ve grown as a person and the immense gratitude I have for every positive thing, opportunity, and person in my life.
In honor of my 21st birthday, I thought I’d reflect on 21 of my favorite and most impactful pieces of advice that I’d give my younger self.
So, here we go- in no specific order!:
Advice I’d Give My Younger Self
1.) Growth occurs when you step out of your comfort zone
As someone that struggles with Generalized Anxiety, doing or trying new things is never easy for me. In the past I’ve found myself passing up opportunities to try something new or talk to someone new because it made me uncomfortable. I preferred to stick to what I knew because that way I felt as if I could insure nothing bad, or embarrassing would happen. However, I realized that by doing this I was only doing harm to myself. By not challenging myself to go out of my comfort zone, I was allowing my self growth and progress with managing my anxiety to be stagnant.
2.) Every negative experience or relationship is a positive learning experience
Something that has really helped me become a more positive person and prevents me from letting every inconvenience get to me is this right here. Sometimes this can be easier than others, but finding a positive lesson in every single negative scenario really helps with being able to feel at peace about the situation and whatever happened, rather than being upset or overthinking it afterwards.
3.) Always choose happiness
When I was diagnosed with Depression in highschool (thankfully I no longer struggle with this), I would see this cliche phrase and honestly get so annoyed by it. Thinking to myself, “you can’t just choose to be happy when you’re sad.” However, I realized that the phrase more specifically refers to controlling your reaction to a situation and choosing to react more positively whenever possible. This is similar to lesson #2. When little inconveniences happened, instead of holding a grudge and letting it spiral into something better, I can simply choose to take a step back, breathe, and let it go.
4.) If you are open about your insecurities and struggles, you will find that many people share the same ones
I feel like it’s so easy to pick yourself and your life apart and notice your every imperfection. I used to feel alone in my struggle with Anxiety, my past of Depression, family issues, and the insecurities I have/have had. I used to try to hide these things because I was ashamed. But one day it just clicked that I should embrace these things because as cheesy as it sounds, they make me who I am. So I started sharing whenever possible. I found that many people also share the same experiences and insecurities as me. This helped me feel empowered, less alone, and more confident in myself as an individual.
5.) There is great importance in being grateful for what you have and showing your gratitude for those things, experiences, or people
As I said earlier, I used to focus a lot on the things I wish I had, the people I wish I knew, the experiences I wish I had, and the person I wish I was. I think it’s very easy to fall into this negative thought pattern, especially with social media when you’re constantly exposed to everyone else’s highlight reel. A more constructive way of thinking is making note of every single thing you are grateful for, and soon you will realize that you have a lot more reasons to be happy than you originally thought.
6.) If something or someone is affecting you happiness, or more seriously your mental health, don’t be afraid to distance yourself
I think it’s also important to note that this is true even if that person or thing is something you loved at one point. Choosing to continue to do something or interact with someone that is decreasing your quality of life is doing a disservice to yourself. This was hard for me to do at first, but I think a huge part of why I feel so relaxed and happy now is because I choose not to keep things in my life that do not positively contribute to my overall happiness.
7.) Family is more than blood
Family is not only blood, but the people who continuously support you, care for you, laugh with you, comfort you, and inspire you on a day to day basis.
8.) It is impossible to please everyone
I used to drive myself crazy trying to live my life in a way that would make everyone around me happy, sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. I would stretching myself thin and try to make choices based off of pleasing other people. Instead of being a “yes man,” it is important to think of yourself first when making decisions.
9.) It is unhealthy for a relationship to increase your amount of day to day anxiety
I think a lot of people- girls in the dating world especially- need to hear this. I think often times when dating we can mistake anxiety for “butterflies.” When in reality, if the timeliness of someone’s responses or time with you is consistently making you nervous, there is a problem. These are not butterflies, but a sign that this person is inconsistent in their efforts towards you which is causing you to be anxious. You should surround yourself with consistent people who never make you doubt how they feel about you.
10.) Never lower your standards- no exceptions
NEVER! It sets a subconscious pattern of consistently accepting and attracting less than what you want, need, and deserve. Also, people will notice this pattern and can begin to treat you in a way less than what you deserve because you show signs of accepting it in the past.
11.) Give yourself the credit you deserve
Being a perfectionist, it’s often times easy for me to be super hard on and critical of myself. I’ve learned the importance of giving myself credit for my positive attributes and accomplishments. I give myself positive affirmations on a daily basis and it really boosts my self confidence and understanding of self worth.
12.) Don’t be afraid to try new styles with your clothes or hair
I always strayed away from trying new things with my style and hair because of the fear that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. This past year I’ve embraced my desire to change up my look and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome. It has become another way to express myself!
13.) If you have a goal you’d like to achieve, go for it without wondering what others will think of you
For years, I’ve had so many passion projects that I wanted to start- blogging via a website and Instagram was one of them. One of the things I let hold me back is the fear of what others would think about it. It’s taken me years to realize that most people won’t judge me negatively, and those who do have a personal problem of there own. Ultimately me holding back on doing what I want to do is doing just that- only holding ME back.
14.) You cannot fix someone’s problems when they are unwilling to work on them themselves
In relationships, most likely toxic ones, it can be instinct to try to change someone for what you feel is the better. However, if that person s unwilling to change for you or themselves, it will only result in stress for you. You can not help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Often times the best you can do is let let that person know you are there for them, and sometimes give them distance if needed.
15.) Being an introvert is a blessing in disguise
I used to wish I was an extrovert. I hated the fact that huge groups, loud environments, or just overly outgoing people tend to drain me of energy; and when this happens I need alone time to recharge. This year especially I’ve come to greatly appreciate my ability to enjoy my own company!
16.) Treat yourself!!!
Buy the shoes, get take out, have a day of self care- you deserve it!
17.) No one notices your insecurities but you
As I became more open with talking about my insecurities, I quickly realized that most people don’t even notice the physical characteristics about myself that I dislike. Although that doesn’t take away from the fact that those things bother me, it is reassuring knowing that they’re not as noticeable as they may seem to me!
18.) You have a voice for a reason
In the past my Anxiety, specifically Social Anxiety, caused me to overthink every social interaction I had. I found it easier to blend into the background and never participate in conversation because then I wouldn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. Thankfully, as the years pass I continue to grow and push myself out of my comfort zone. I now notice the importance of speaking up, voicing my opinion, and having conversations without the fear of an awkward moment. Now I see that what I contribute to a conversation- whether in my personal or work life- is often highly valued by those around me.
19.) Put your talents to use
I can be a lazy person honestly. I’ve found myself thinking of projects and things I’d like to create, but then not doing it because it’s “too much work.” I admire those around me who put their talents and interests to use, and even turn it into a career. It only makes sense in being proactive to utilize my talents and passions!
20.) Comparison is the thief of Joy
This is one that I still have to remind myself of on daily basis. It’s so easy to give into the comparison game, especially with social media. In any given particular skill or asset, there will always be someone better than you. Everyone is different so the only person you should be comparing yourself to, in order to track your growth or success and to gain motivation to be better, is the person you were yesterday.
21.) You are a beautiful inside and out!!!!!!!!
Period.
